Through his eyes
by Seasaltaddict
Summary: futuristic? AU   Roxas' body was shutting down, and the worst part was feeling the world turn their backs on him. In his misery, will he meet one person who can change his remaining life?   akuroku


**Title:** Through his eyes

**Warnings:** Akuroku, which means yes, they are gay. Also rated for language, character death, and generally depressing points. (However, this is supposed to be more of a hopeful, touching story…)

**Disclaimer:** I don't own kingdom hearts. Because Disney would never go along with my plans for the characters anyway, I think that's for the best.

**Summary:** [futuristic? AU] Roxas' body was shutting down, and the worst part was feeling the world turn their backs on him. In his misery, will he meet one person who can change his remaining life? Written for the birthday of my dear best friend, The Lefty Matt. Happy birthday lovie. ;) [I admit it is shamelessly AU, so just roll with the memory bits when you get there]

Roxas Bailey was what the hospital labeled a lost cause- even with modern medical science, it seemed he was lost in the way of good fortune. The willowy blond boy had never seen from those dull, useless blue orbs, his organs for filtering seemed to be slowly shutting down, and his heart had a broken, leaky valve. Top this off with his rare blood type, and you had a recipe for imminent death. This could be why nobody new ever spared him a second glance, because, let's face it, what kind of masochistic bastard wants to get attached to some kid slowly rotting away in the hospital, waiting for an early grave? Perhaps this was why it always seemed like his family was trying to choke out their last goodbyes before he was even on the edge of death? Needless to say due to his bedridden life, bitterness abounds within Roxas' soul because we can't all be selfless, cheerful Tiny Tim in the face of death. To tell the unpleasant truth, Roxas had begun to wonder if this couldn't just be over with yet; the waiting list seemed a pointless thing that kept some spark of hope alive that made his agony worse- because what were the chances of some match coming along out of nowhere?

But worse yet, Roxas was afraid. Death was the unknown, and Roxas didn't even like surprise visits, none the less the idea of going somewhere he knew nothing about, because how could he believe the priest about things that he couldn't feel, couldn't hear? Roxas was a realist. Would he be some perfect angel? Or would he be as he was now? Although he couldn't see his reflection he was presumably everything you didn't want to be: short, pale, thin, socially awkward, and scared. As he pondered this one day in the bright glow of artificial light on his nearly all white surroundings, the nurse wheeled in what he assumed to be another chronically (if not fatally) ill person with which he would have to share his space.

Normally this didn't bother him because, like himself, the other person was quiet when there were no visitors and wouldn't stay long (however unfortunate for them that might be). Except that this man was different; he was loud and crass, his voice seemed to never shut off from the moment Roxas heard the wheels in his doorframe to when the nurses departed, and onwards still. It sounded like he didn't just hold a grudge against Roxas' precious silence, he full on wanted to beat it to death with his loud words of complaint. "Goddamn, will someone open the window already? The stuffiness alone is gonna kill me, not to mention that piss they call coffee with the manure they call food." A restless voice called out.

"Its always shut- your mouth should be too." Roxas snapped at the man. The silence was back for a brief moment, long enough for Roxas to get snuggled back into the security of his pillows, before he heard the other male shift to sit up and proceed to fill the room with loud barks of laughter, like an avalanche filling every inch of space in the room, except it was warm, joyful; much happier than it should've been. He couldn't understand what was so great about being insulted, but maybe he could ask some day... Or the guy might just have a brain disorder, actually, which made asking seem fruitless. "What?" he asked, snippy as usual.

"Nothing, nothing." He said as his laughter died down. "Just you." Roxas furrowed his brows in confusion. "My name is Axel Hayes. Commit that to memory."

"Right." He said, still unsure of the situation. Maybe he was a lunatic after all... At least he had faith that the nurses would not put him in the same room with a dangerous one. His hands fidgeted with the blanket, helping him loose his anxiety somewhere in its stitches of warmth. He could hear rustling again; Axel was on the move... Probably just shifting to a more comfortable position.

"Well?" Axel asked, impatiently.

"Well what?" he returned.

"I want to know your name too." He quirked a brow at the statement... What did his name really matter? "Come on, please? Live a little." That would later become his trademark excuse for getting Roxas involved in things, much to the blonde's dismay. If he wanted this so much, then who was Roxas to deny the information to him?

"Roxas. Roxas Bailey." He said bluntly. "Fatally ill extraordinaire." He hoped that fact guilt tripped the other, crossing his arms as best he could with the tubes and their needles that dug under the skin of his wrists.

Much to his dismay, Axel didn't seem to even know how to shut up. "Well then you really ought to live a little... No sense wasting what we got left, eh?" It seemed that Axel's motto in life was to live as much as he could before he kicked the bucket, as he so elegantly put it.

Roxas couldn't imagine Axel putting himself in the hospital for his last amount of time in which to do so, so he assumed that his family must have put him here, yet nobody ever seemed to visit him. Now and again Roxas would get a visit from his father, mother, or brother, but nobody came for Axel. And Roxas, morbid little thing he was, needed to know why with a desperate intensity. So, over extra pudding cups Axel had somehow flattered the nurse into getting, he finally asked the question floating around his mind like an annoying, buzzing fly since the week of the other's arrival.

"How come we never see your family?" Roxas had introduced the stranger to his own, partially because he felt pity for a dying loner.

"Aw, don't be that way." Axel said, catching the tone in Roxas voice as a bit upset. "You can meet my folks someday baby cakes." Roxas huffed, because he hated when Axel made jokes about them being a couple. He could feel warm blood fill his cheeks, turning his face to what he imagined to be a sufficient pink as he waited for his answer. Axel seemed to take forever to spur into his long winded explanation, and he could tell the other male didn't really want to talk about it. Roxas wasn't about to give in though. "Well, mom probably doesn't even want them to call her until I kick the bucket, and dad was never around when I was healthy, so why would he want me now that I'm not? I don't need him anyway, I guess I wouldn't want some bitter old fart like him stinking up my funeral, I want it to be like a real party."

Why he would want something about his death to be a happy occasion, Roxas didn't know. It could be because he was selfish like most of the human race, but Roxas didn't want anyone to be happy about his death.

His explanation didn't manage to extinguish the flames of curiosity within Roxas, but tossed napalm on them practically. It was his first taste of things to come, and he wanted to know more about the only new person he'd met in years. Axel was, after all, his only friend in the world... And although it may have seemed too soon to tell, Roxas couldn't doubt that this must be friendship, the illusive bond that he had only read about in the brail books his mother sometimes thoughtfully dropped off for him, and heard about second hand through Sora.

The thought occurred fleetingly that Axel's family must not have put him here. Maybe he just wanted the pain to stop too badly to live on his own then? He decided he was humane enough to let that part drop, for now, and moved on to new rounds of interrogation. "What's happening to you?" he asked.

"Er, you mean why I'm here?" Axel said, "Well, my heart is broken." Roxas snorted. How did he make what must have been a serious medical condition sound so lame?

"How so?" He pressed for more information.

"Geez, keep your pants on! I was getting to that part." Axel retorted. "You see, it's not the muscle or anything... It's the nerve thing, the nodes that control the beat... They're not working. Doctors tried pacemakers, but those don't seem to be doing the trick either. It's bound to just shut off one of these days." Somehow he didn't even seem depressed about it, much to Roxas' amazement.

"Ah... I get it." He said, softly.

"Aw now, no getting all misty eyed about it, not like I'm going to die tomorrow." Axel said.

Roxas attempted to brush the thought of Axel's death from his mind completely. The point in all this was that he had time, neither of them was dead yet and it was Axel's quite loud and overly-voiced opinion that 'we still have time, so why waste it crying over milk that hasn't spilled yet?'

"I was born with no sight." Roxas began, slowly opening up. "I have a rare blood type, and failing organs- my liver and kidneys. My heart is broken too; one of the valves leaks." He rattled off. It felt odd because usually Axel did all the talking. There was hardly a gap between the older male's ramblings in which to interject his own thoughts... But Roxas was naturally quiet anyways.

It was then he supposed that they started the habit of midnight confessions. Axel had dropped out of college. His mother was a widely respected lawyer, but when it came to emotions she couldn't even handle herself, none the less the child she was a single mother to. He'd been very close with his nanny, but she passed away and he never got too cozy with the new one. He had dappled in the affairs of drugs, but nothing serious had come of it, which he called dumb luck as he advised Roxas not to follow his example.

Roxas was fed up with his life. He had a twin brother who was born perfect, a true somebody who had a reputation and friends and love in his life. Roxas was the sickly, nobody twin who had hardly been to school and never felt a kiss in his life. His parents had a priest practically hovering over him and had been detached for the longest time, like he was already dead or something. Still, some days they came in shaken and crushed, and they held him in their arms and wept for the son they had not quite lost yet. He wished they wouldn't, he wished that someone could hold him without leaving tears on his shoulders and reducing to sobs, so it didn't feel like it was a burden to touch him. Although due to his poor circulation Axel had difficulties getting up, he seemed to make it to his feet in record time after the confession, and with one hand holding onto his IV to wheel it along beside him, he staggered the distance to Roxas' bed and flopped down on the edge by his beloved blond friend. He wrapped two long, thin arms around Roxas and pulled him to his hospital gowned chest, a fluttery sigh of contentment leaving his lips. "How's this Roxy?" He almost cried himself, because that voice told him that he wasn't untouchable. That Axel liked to be able to touch him. But he held it back and nodded, putting his arms around the redhead, because tears would've ruined their moment.

Of course, Axel caught hell for accidentally disconnecting himself from the heart monitor, but upon explanation many a nurse fawned over them, murmuring in motherly tones that it was the sweetest thing they had ever heard. That ended the perfection for Roxas, because he couldn't stand the way they turned to mush about a moment that was HIS and only his. Just like Axel. His friend, who never had other visitors to harm Roxas' delusion that the man who owned that voice that chatted with him for hours on end didn't in fact belong to him.

However, there was a time for every childish spell to be broken, and Roxas time was coming. Axel was coming back from a long day of testing and as evening fell he turned to Roxas and began to nervously speak. "Hey Rox?" He said.

"Yeah?" What was that mixing with the voice that made his lips pull up? He wasn't smiling now, he was frowning slightly because it sounded almost like worry.

"They're moving me tomorrow." Axel answered, a little spark of hope in his voice.

"W-what?" He asked, caught off guard. "When? Why?" He didn't want Axel to leave him. They were in this together, and that was what made life bearable.

"I'm getting better, Rox." he said in a calm voice that made Roxas' heart ache. "So they're moving me out of the ICU. Pretty soon though... I'll be able to get up, and walk my ass back here. So don't you get too sad, I'll be back."

This, at least, was a sort of good news. He didn't want Axel to die, but now he felt more alone then he had before. Now he was just the sick one again, like always. He answered, shyly, "Promise?"

"No shit, of course I promise! I'll be back before you know it... Like a boomerang. I'll always be with you, ok? Always, from now on." he declared with a sort of certainty that made Roxas more comfortable.

Still, he needed something more, some sort of souvenir to hang onto. The blonde fidgeted a moment while Axel hummed lightly, plucking up the courage to ask his next question. "Could you, maybe... because I…" He began to form the words. It was coming out awkwardly, but he was sure it couldn't have been as bad as some of the things that came flying out of Axel's mouth on a bad day (that guy really did have chronic diarrhea of the mouth). "I want you to kiss me."

Axel laughed again, as loud as ever, and it filled not only the small space of the hospital room but Roxas' heart with flutters that were probably dangerous to him. "I thought you would never ask." He answered, melting away the fear of rejection in favor of a new tension for the unexplored act of a simple kiss. It seemed to take every ounce of strength for Axel to move his lanky body all the way over to the edge of Roxas' bed, but the journey was made much easier by a friendly nurse who had moved the beds a little bit closer together and put the machinery in the middle so that Axel wouldn't disconnect himself again. Roxas made a mental note that he really ought to thank Olette, and he promised to do so the next time he saw her. Roxas held his breath as he felt Axel get closer, closer, leaning in... A soft pair of lips that pressed to his own in the claim of his first kiss. It was strange, and warm, and all tingles and butterflies... But somehow melancholy under all that. Roxas didn't know how it could be all that at once, but it was. And it was wonderful... And he really did pop out of the living doomed for a moment to 'live a little'.

The next day was when Axel made his request. Roxas thought it was stupid, but since Axel had caved to what he wanted, he figured he could let the redhead have his way. He just had to have a picture. He said it was because when he went to his new room, he didn't want to have to stare out the window or look at his roommate, he wanted to still be able to see Roxas. It was a sentiment that the blind boy could not fully appreciate, but none the less, it did seem stupidly sweet. Roxas knew he must've looked immensely stupid with the big grin he shot at the camera while Axel put his arm around the small blondes shoulders. It was easy to grin and bear it for the sake of his only friend... Love? Friend. He couldn't really seem to decide. Axel was wheeled out the door, and just like that his whole life fell back into the abyss, only to be swept back up again in the light of new hope. There was a match. For the first time in years, something close to hope flowed through his veins. Although he knew the extensive operations would be taxing on his body and he would likely be out cold for weeks on end, anyone who looked at the smile breaking across his face was sure to know that he was truly, thoroughly, happy. Axel wasn't the only one getting better!

For someone so young, he was awfully prepared when they went to put him under for surgery. Prepared for the chance that he could die, the being unconscious for days on end, even the possible flashes of the donors memories. Through all the hustle and bustle and confusion, he continually told anyone who would take a minute to listen (including a doctor or two, nurses, and even his brother and parents) that when he woke up, he wanted to be put in a room with Axel- because he wanted the first thing his new eyes saw to be his best friend. As they put in the needle and the world turned fuzzy, he just kept thinking about seeing the redhead, wondering what he would look like, because he was sure Axel had to be the most handsome person in all the world (Or maybe that was his giddy schoolgirl crush and all Axe's wild conceited tall tales speaking). And then it was black.

Vivid, but silent memories that couldn't be his, flooded his head from the moment he fell asleep and did not stop their relentless flow until a few hours before he was set to get the bandages removed from his new eyes for the first time. He knew they couldn't be his, because they were all SEEING in the brightest color, someone who must've seen the world with so much pizzazz and lust for life that it was almost overwhelming to Roxas. They seemed to be greedy eyes that he had gotten, for they darted all around everywhere and showed Roxas all the sights, as though he had been there first hand. It was supposed to be that he wouldn't see much unless he really synched with the person, but he had to have, because this... This amazing thing could not be a dream. Roxas was fascinated by seeing the sights of another life, and while he thought that the first few flashes of sandbox days and high school lab experiments were great, it was surprisingly the hospital days of the man that caught his interest the most... Seeing though the eyes of some tall, malnourished looking redhead with facial tattoos and overly pale skin, he looked avidly at a thin little teen with funny blond hair that stuck up all over the place and it was like a clash of wills- he thought the creature was strange, foreign and frankly weird. The donor saw with stars in his eyes, like this kid was the most beautiful thing in all the heavens and earth. What a strange, pitiful pair. Roxas felt adverse to the kid, but the donor seemed to stir with the need to touch him, to kiss him. It made Roxas very bothered, because the boy was a bit young for the redhead, but he supposed he couldn't be one to judge. He couldn't see why, but in these eyes it was all beauty. Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.

It was stopped when he woke up for the removal of the bandages guarding his new eyes. "Ready?" A solemn voice he recognized as Sora said. Sora must have been doubtful that his brother would see, but Roxas for once had taken up the habit of hoping, because everything was going to be fine now. As the haze cleared and his eyes ate up the white walled recovery room a photograph was held up between his brothers fingers. It was a boy with messy blond hair wearing a big, goofy grin and a man with acid green eyes and a burdened smile. Under the picture was written in messy handwriting: Always with you, commit it to memory.

As Sora retracted his hand, Roxas let out a wail as his heart, newly fixed, felt like it had cracked in two like it was made of china. Sobbing into his arms took up nearly an hour before he could be subdued enough to talk; he felt lied to, cheated by hope, and alone... but mostly, he felt stupid. How could he not realize it? The worry in Axel's voice, the sudden donor, it was all too good to be true. Even the memories should have tipped him off. The flashes of memory from his new eyes continued as Sora and his parents left the room for a while. Roxas, as they understood it, needed to be alone- he pushed away anyone who tried to hug him and leave those god-awful tearstains on his shoulders because they didn't know what this was about, not in the least. As the memories came to him, he got to learn everything, everything he ever wanted to know about the 26 years of Axel Hayes' life, and possibly even more. When they subsided, he reflected on the situation. Axel was a liar, but he couldn't hate him... Because that would be hating his new self, and he had a whole lot of living to do, too much for that. He had to live enough for two now. And he knew moping would upset the part of him that was Axel.

Since moment one, Axel Hayes had been losing a battle with his heart. A valve, two kidneys and a liver, plus a pair of eyes... He would give it all away. All for his love... He checked into that hospital knowing he would never check out. But he left behind more than expected.

"Sora?" Roxas asked, and nervously, his brother nodded, afraid that the blond would break into crying again. "I want a mirror."

The request was simple, and his mother quickly pulled a compact from her purse to hand to her weak but soon to be thriving son. He looked into the little thing and his heart leapt... Acid green staring back seemed to boggle his mind and sweep him into a better moment, like Axel was still alive and well, and kissing him softly. "I.. I'll give it my best." he said, and his parents just looked at their boy with wet, shiny eyes. "I've got him memorized." He said with a sad excuse for laughter as he wiped at his eyes. Axel was there, and would always be there, in his eyes, in his heart, keeping him alive. And for some reason, he could never quite look with those eyes into the glass of his mirror without feeling his heart leap. He no longer hated seeing himself, Axel wouldn't let him.

[[A/N:: Well, that's it. Hope you enjoyed it. : 3

If you enjoyed this, I'll have you know that I enjoy reviews~ 3 Or, if you didn't and have some constructive criticism, that's all good too. I really do appreciate reviews. ]]

Quote My lovely friend Nicole, about Roxas talking to himself after this: "Look Axel, we're in France. You would have liked it here. The people are almost as rude as you are."

Roxas: "Look Axel, We're in France! You would've liked it here. The people are almost as rude as you are." "Look Axel, we're in France. You would have liked it here. The people are almost as rude as you are.""Look Axel, we're in France. You would have liked it here. The people are almost as rude as you are."


End file.
